How I went from a washed out drug addict to a completely changed life!
If I can do it, so can you!
“Find the greatness within!”
Hi.. I’m Brennan, my friends call me “B”, and you are welcome too as well.
A brief word of encouragement
No matter what circumstances you are facing, or what setbacks life has thrown at you, you can overcome all these challenges, and get your life moving in the right direction. Whether it’s building new habits, overcoming addictions, recovering financially, mending relationships, dealing with depression, or just getting a fresh new perspective on life, its never too late to turn things around. Here you will find simple tools, action plans, and a very practical approach to help you get started.
18 years ago, I found myself in a very challenging set of circumstances. My life had spiraled out of control, and I had hit rock bottom. Maybe that is you today, or maybe you are trying to help someone else… and that is “A” ok. The fact that you are reading this “about page” means you are serious about changing your life, and serious about taking action to build a better future. I must sincerely commend you for taking the first step, as it takes a lot of courage to reach out and ask for help.
My journey in a nutshell
As a kid I experienced some unexpected circumstances that created instability and insecurity in me. My parents were divorced and remarried twice, and life was a bit confusing at the time. Although things didn’t make much sense during those years, I certainly don’t blame my parents for any of my own poor choices. They were going through their own challenges and did their best to look after me during those uncertain times.
During my high school years, I became quite a rebellious individual. I wasted 15 years on partying, drinking, doing drugs and many hangovers. It all seemed fun at the time, but deep down I knew I needed to change. The truth is, I didn’t know how to change. It just seemed easier to go with the flow and accept that life was meant to be that way. I went from party to party, and hang over to hang over, hoping that somehow things would get better. When I finished school, I enrolled at a college to further my education. That didn’t work out too well for me, as my rebellious ways created problems for me and I was eventually expelled.
Involuntary military service
At this point my mom sent me to live with my dad as she didn’t really know what else to do. My dad on the other hand, had other plans for me. Soon after I arrived to live with him, he signed me up to join the army! Much to my disapproval, my military career began.
When I look back now, it was the best thing for me. The military environment kept me out of trouble and I had no choice but to toe the line. I was now the property of the South African National Defense Force, and it was either submit and comply, or it was push ups and sand bag drills. Instead of doing drills and running with a sandbag over my shoulder, I decided to focus on the training and make the best of it. Well… the truth is I didn’t really have any other choice.
You’re in the army now… day 1…
I remember climbing on a bus with a bunch of complete strangers, thinking to myself I’m probably not going to survive what was coming my way. I had a heavy hangover from the night before, and being on that bus was the last place I wanted to be. We left Johannesburg heading to the military base in Bloemfontein, and during the trip I soon realized that I was the only dude on the bus with long hair. I had taken a lot of pride growing my hair down past my shoulders, however this put me in the spot light of the military personnel, and I took quite a bit of flak when we arrived at the military base. The corporals didn’t take to kindly to the hungover, long-haired Englishman that had just climbed off the bus.
A military haircut
It was a baptism of fire for me from day one! I can still hear the voices of the corporals shouting at me saying, “Engelsman kom hier!” It took 3 days before I was allowed to go to the military barber to have my hair shaved off. Needless to say, I was very thankful when that day arrived as it allowed me to escape the ridicule and antagonism of the corporals. This also posed another problem for us, because once all the new recruits had had their heads shaved off, we didn’t recognize each other. What made matters worse is directly after our haircuts we were all moved around into different dormitories. I’m pretty certain this was a ploy of the corporals to create more confusion and make things even more unpleasant as we started our basic training.
Junior leaders training
During those two years of military service, I excelled. In the first year I completed the junior leaders training course, more commonly known as “JL’s”. At the end of the training during our final parade, I was promoted to the rank of full corporal. At this point things were really looking up for me. The real challenge came when I finished my military training and entered civilian life again. As the saying goes, “the takkie hit the tar”, and the night clubs and pub scene became very appealing, especially after being in such a disciplined environment for so long.
The spiral
Shortly after the military, I got married and my daughter was born. Sadly, my drinking and partying ways rapidly started catching up with me, and three years later we were divorced.
The wheels eventually came off, and my life started taking a downward spiral again. My life plunged into a slippery downward slide with no hand brake. I went from drinking and smoking marijuana, to experimenting with harder drugs like, LSD, ecstasy, magic mushrooms, cocaine, crack cocaine, and mandrax. I eventually lost my job and turned to selling drugs to pay the rent, however this just fueled my addiction. It was an absolute dog show, and my life was completely out of control. I had some very close encounters with the police, and I had lost complete perspective on how to live a normal stable life.
A sober reality
When I look back now, I realize that my behaviour as an addict didn’t just affect my life, It also had a seriously negative impact on my family and some of my friends. For years and years I honestly believed that I would never be able to come clean. I believed that I would spend the rest of my life on drugs. I honestly didn’t see any way out of the life I was leading. That thought really scared me. I was constantly living in a state of defeat, fear and depression.
During those years it was a very lonely place to be. I tried many different ways to quit. I tried counselling, I tried outpatient programmes, I tried sheer will power, yet none of those attempts brought any permanent change to my life and circumstances. It was just one defeat after another.
15 years went by as a blur of headaches and heart aches, and at 28 years old I reached my rock bottom. When you hit bottom, you just can’t go any lower, so changing becomes the only option. It’s either stay at the bottom or make a decision to get up and change! When you make the decision to get off the bottom you come face to face with the cold hard reality of life, and you are faced with what looks like an impossible mountain to climb. But as the saying goes, “the journey of a thousand miles, always begins with the first step”. I took the first step, and decided to conquer the mountain.
The state of my life was the sobering reality that motivated me to start climbing. You have to take the bull by the horns and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. The key is not to look down. You have to look up, show up, and never give up!
Rehabilitation
In AA, the first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem and asking for help. For me, the first step was the most frightening step of all. I woke up one morning with a serious hang over and decided I could not go on living life like that any longer. I got up, got dressed and went looking for a rehabilitation centre. This seemed like the only sane option to escape the harsh reality of a life that looked like a train wreck. With the help of my dear mother, I found a rehab and booked myself in, and the journey of a thousand miles began.
I wish I could say that from that point all my troubles were over, but in reality, rehabilitation was the first step of many steps that was needed to begin rebuilding my life. It was the start of the great reset of my life.
The first few years were very challenging, however I kept persevering, and kept putting one-foot Infront of the other. The longer I stayed sober, the stronger I became, and after the first few years I found myself walking in victory and started to experience life on a totally new level.
Over the past 18 years I have learnt many valuable lessons on the road of recovery. I have also made many mistakes along the way. However, the steps I have taken and the principles I have learnt, have really empowered me to stay sober and helped me to bring permanent change to my life.
Your parents are super heroes
I truly thank God that my parents never gave up on me, because if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have been able to get into rehab and start the journey of recovery. Rehab is not cheap, and they had to make some serious personal sacrifices to help me. I was very fortunate that they were willing to make those sacrifices, and I’m forever grateful to them.
If you are growing into your mature years and still have parents that are still alive, you are very fortunate. I strongly encourage you to love them and do your best to take care of them while you still have them. It’s easy to take your parents for granted, especially when you have parents that have done their very best to raise you and provide for you, despite all their own short comings.
I guess the older you get, the more you realize how short life is. You begin to realize the price your parents had to pay to raise you as a child. This becomes even more real when you have children of your own, and you have to care for them and start paying the price as well.
Cherish the years you have with your parents, as there will come a day when they pass on and are no longer around.
The lessons are your superpower
If you find yourself in a challenging set of circumstances, the good news is you can overcome! No matter what you are facing, whether it be addiction, depression, financial issues, marital problems, health challenges, relationships, whatever the case may be, the fact that you are reading this, means half your battle is already won! Overcoming these challenges is not as difficult as it may seem. I KNOW…. when you are facing these things, it can almost seem impossible, and all you can see is the problems. BUT… with the right approach, and the right action plan, anything can be achieved.
If you are committed to the process, you will learn many valuable lessons that wont just help you in recovery, it can set you up for life, if you allow it too. What were major stumbling blocks in your life can become stepping stones, and those experiences become powerful assets that you can share with others and make an impact in your world.
In the beginning your recovery is about you, but as you make progress, it becomes about helping others, and passing on the lessons you have learnt. The more you share with others, the stronger you will become. This is one of the most powerful things about recovery. Your life becomes a testimony and inspiration to others, and you become an agent of change that can impact others in amazing ways!
Defying the odds
Statistics say that very few people successfully recover from addiction. Well, the truth is, you are not a statistic! You are a valuable human being that has a purpose in life. You can recover and you can make a difference, and make a positive impact on people.
My take on statistics is simply this; why don’t you just prove the statistics wrong! That’s exactly what I did. When I heard that statistically I had a slim chance of recovery… I said… I refuse to be another statistic; I’m going to turn the tide on statistics and make a positive contribution to the world while I’m alive. With a change in mindset and a change in perspective you can overcome anything.
If you adjust your thinking and prepare yourself to take action, you will defy the odds and the changes you want to see in your life will happen faster than you think. The key is to take action!
Taking action
All you need to do is focus on what matters, and start taking small practical steps to build a great future. You do it one step at a time. One goal at a time. One action at a time. There are absolutely no limits to what you can achieve when you get your focus going in the right direction. Taking action is the beginning of “the” most exciting adventure of your life. You will discover new things about yourself that you didn’t even know you could do. A whole new world will open up in front you, and in a few months, you will be unrecognizable to the people around you.
Passion in the wrong direction
In my old lifestyle, I was exceptionally passionate, just passionate about all the wrong things. Doing drugs, drinking alcohol and partying was where my energy and passion went. When I discovered that there was so much more to life, I traded the party passion, for a passion for life and focused on the things that would make a positive impact on my life and those around me.
I started developing new habits, focused on daily disciplines and routines, started reading books, and started to discover things about myself that I didn’t even know I could do. I rekindled my love for surfing, and even put pen to paper and wrote my first book. I literally went from addict to author. Never in my life had I dreamed that I would one day write a book that would impact so many people’s lives.
If you can trade those destructive passions for a passion for building a productive life, the results can be curiously astonishing! When you step up to the plate, and make a commitment to yourself to grow and move forward you will be amazed at what hidden gifts and talents you have lying dormant inside you. You will surprise yourself and most certainly surprise the people who know you.
The local church
My life made a radical change when I gave my life to Christ and joined a local church. I started out serving in the church and helping where I could, and have been a member of CRC Durban under the leadership of Ps Glenn and Ps Alison Schroder for the past 18 years. As I continued to serve I soon found myself in the full-time ministry, where I’ve been serving on pastoral staff at CRC Durban for the last 16 years. I also met my wife in church, and we’ve been married for 15 years and we have two beautiful daughters.
The local church is a place of safety. Its a place where you can surround yourself with people that will have a positive influence on your life. When you surround yourself with people that have a positive influence on your life it can make all the difference between success and failure in your recovery journey. And your journey is about discovering who you are and what God has created to do.
When you discover who you are, and what you were created to do, you become an unstoppable force! Connecting with your life’s purpose is one of the most exciting things any human being can do. When you plug into your passion and purpose you will impact the lives of others and find true fulfillment and peace.
God has done an amazing work of transforming my life over all these years and I give Him all the praise and glory for His amazing grace! The Bible says its the goodness of God that leads man to repentance, and I can say with total conviction that its because of Gods goodness, His amazing grace, the local church and strong leadership, that I am what I am today!
The keys to your future
The key to unlocking your future, is learning to see challenges as opportunities, instead of seeing them as obstacles. I don’t profess to know it all, but I do believe the lessons that have kept me sober all these years, can help create the launching pad you need to get started with your journey to a changed life.
This isn’t only for people who want to deal with their addictions. It’s for anyone who wants to create new habits, improve their health, take control of their finances, impact other people, and live the life God created them to live.
Maybe you find yourself in a place where life is dark, circumstances are challenging and change seems like… a galaxy far far away… but I want to encourage you that developing a new lifestyle is totally possible and the rewards are out of this world!
You may be thinking: “is it possible to change my ways and live an exciting life?
The answer is: YES YOU CAN!
